Alot of the decisions I've made in my life have been motivated/propelled by fear. From a really young age, I have danced around those scary things, trying to avoid that cold, tight, prickly feeling.
I have spent an inordinate amount of time and effort to ensure that I will never have bodily contact with a spider, for instance.
I can appreciate their role in our ecosystem..thankful to them for the beauty of their webs..easily empathize with them when they are translated into eerily human characters like Charlotte..
And I even leave them alone outside, granting them the same gentle respect I try to offer all living things. After all, it's a spider's world, really. There are so many of them(have you ever noticed *how* many there are? It's crazy!), and when I'm outside, I'm in their house. So respecting their home by avoiding them instead of expecting them to avoid me seems fair.
But find one in *my* house, and all compassion is overruled by that immediate, chilling sensation of fear. And I usually find some way to slow them down(don't want them charging up my leg) and then kill them. squish them dead. Flush them down the toilent just to be sure.
Fear leads me into behavior that is completely polarized from my natural way of being.
I think this has been true in my life in countless situations.
And I think that's interesting to know - I'm looking forward to understanding that more..
And I do feel the need to apologize to spiders everywhere. I really am a gentle soul. But until I have a better handle on this fear thing, it would be wise for you to stay OUT of my house.
Just saying.
I have spent an inordinate amount of time and effort to ensure that I will never have bodily contact with a spider, for instance.
I can appreciate their role in our ecosystem..thankful to them for the beauty of their webs..easily empathize with them when they are translated into eerily human characters like Charlotte..
And I even leave them alone outside, granting them the same gentle respect I try to offer all living things. After all, it's a spider's world, really. There are so many of them(have you ever noticed *how* many there are? It's crazy!), and when I'm outside, I'm in their house. So respecting their home by avoiding them instead of expecting them to avoid me seems fair.
But find one in *my* house, and all compassion is overruled by that immediate, chilling sensation of fear. And I usually find some way to slow them down(don't want them charging up my leg) and then kill them. squish them dead. Flush them down the toilent just to be sure.
Fear leads me into behavior that is completely polarized from my natural way of being.
I think this has been true in my life in countless situations.
And I think that's interesting to know - I'm looking forward to understanding that more..
And I do feel the need to apologize to spiders everywhere. I really am a gentle soul. But until I have a better handle on this fear thing, it would be wise for you to stay OUT of my house.
Just saying.
1 comment:
I guess I never really have the chance to face my "fears" in our house, because I always have my little entomologist son who is right there, absolutely THRILLED to have an excuse to pick up a creepy crawling spider and rescue him... or should I say rescue me ;)
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