I have almost completed the 3 week day program through Meier Clinic for my anxiety disorder, and I am making good progress. I'm learning about the ways anxiety works; where it comes from, how it affects me, how I can manage it... I've been able to share life with some of the most amazing and authentic people I've ever met.
If I ever write a book about my experiences here, the title may read something like I wish Christians would act More Like Mental Patients! Seriously, the group I am a part of is undoubtedly the best church I've ever been to. They are all screwed up & aren't afraid to show it. They listen to each other - actively paying attention to each others' pain. They depart from the 'rules' when someone could be better helped in an individual , unique way. They don't hide or lie - they don't have to, because no matter what they say or do, they are accepted. They understand that the essence of salvation is not 'having it all together and performing good deeds, going to church, subscribing to 'Outreach weekly', going to conferences and buying t shirts ( Get right or Get Left!)'; it's crying out to God " No! I don't have it all together! I cannot do this life thing on my own - if you don't help me , if you don't really do something, I'm dying here! I need Your help! I'm broken.."
I have seen, firsthand, that God is close to the brokenhearted. And the broken.
So, I've only got two days left, and I feel conflicted... I want to get on with my life and move forward, spending time with family and exploring what's ahead of me. But, at the same time, I feel a little sad : I have loved this place and these people, I have shared more and received more than seems possible in such a short time. The way they approach God is refreshingly honest, and most of all - more than anything else that I'll miss - it's safe. It's a safe place to be yourself and that's hard to find. Thank God for my anxiety disorder. Thank God for every breathless panic attack and even for my deepest troubles. I am learning things about myself and Him that I couldn't have ever experienced without this crap.
I hope this blog has been helpful to all of you that care, and I am so thankful for each of you. To my friends at meier clinic - I love you and will always be grateful that our lives intersected. Thank you for all you've done for so many people.
For those of you who are wanting more specifics, feel free to give me a call after Tuesday
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Saturday, January 08, 2005
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