The room is dark.
It is way past their bedtime, but somehow they have managed to stretch the day till the last possible second.
I hug and kiss them goodnight.
No story - it's too late.
I hear a teary voice ask for an extra snuggle, so I lay down on the couch beside her.
Just for a minute, I say.
The side of my face is pressed against the place where her hair meets her forehead.
I smell dirt from the backyard, the cookie after dinner..
I smell my conditioner, which she sprayed LOTs of before brushing her golden tangles..
Far away, the faint yet absolutely distinct smell of Baby. I don't think I'm imagining it, and I wonder how long it will last. How long did it last with her sister?
Tiny hands lay possessively over my wrist to be sure I will stay.
In the dark, her breathing relaxes.
I see her stomach rise and fall, rise and fall. Her pink cotton leotard with the embroidered declaration: DANCER.
Small, strong legs stretched out perfectly straight in the shadows.
"You are loved", I think.
"Everything's ok", I whisper.
I feel her head press a little tighter against my cheek, a quiet sigh as she drifts to sleep.
Rise and fall, rise and fall.
I close my own eyes and concentrate hard on the sound, the smells, her arm on my arm. I try very hard to BE.
To be here, completely, in this moment.
In this moment
everything's
ok
It is way past their bedtime, but somehow they have managed to stretch the day till the last possible second.
I hug and kiss them goodnight.
No story - it's too late.
I hear a teary voice ask for an extra snuggle, so I lay down on the couch beside her.
Just for a minute, I say.
The side of my face is pressed against the place where her hair meets her forehead.
I smell dirt from the backyard, the cookie after dinner..
I smell my conditioner, which she sprayed LOTs of before brushing her golden tangles..
Far away, the faint yet absolutely distinct smell of Baby. I don't think I'm imagining it, and I wonder how long it will last. How long did it last with her sister?
Tiny hands lay possessively over my wrist to be sure I will stay.
In the dark, her breathing relaxes.
I see her stomach rise and fall, rise and fall. Her pink cotton leotard with the embroidered declaration: DANCER.
Small, strong legs stretched out perfectly straight in the shadows.
"You are loved", I think.
"Everything's ok", I whisper.
I feel her head press a little tighter against my cheek, a quiet sigh as she drifts to sleep.
Rise and fall, rise and fall.
I close my own eyes and concentrate hard on the sound, the smells, her arm on my arm. I try very hard to BE.
To be here, completely, in this moment.
In this moment
everything's
ok
