Thanks for the Help

Several of you came through for me in a BIG way on Friday by helping with the girls. I can't tell you how thankful I am. I guess I'm trying anyway.
Thanks.
:)

'H' is for Henry(or 'hope')

It was the middle of production on the One Story Pictures project. After a long day I went back to my Mom's, tiptoed in and kissed the girls, then fell into bed. I was barely asleep around 1am when the phone rang.
It was my aunt saying that Dolly had just died. She was on her way to the store to buy puppy formula..
Dolly was my Grandma's bishon frise and gentle companion. I'm not a fan of small dogs generally, but she was sweet by anyone's standards. And my Grandma *loved* her.
She had given birth to three puppies two days earlier, one of which was stillborn. She hadn't been acting normally, but her death was sudden and unexpected. Though she was weak and dying, her last act was to pull herself into the enclosure with her puppies. She died nursing them.
I threw stuff in a bag when I got off the phone with my aunt and drove the winding, fog-thick back roads to Grandma's. She was so sad and exhausted. We got to work trying to keep the puppies warm and alive. I held them against my chest for a long time until Jen arrived with the formula that *might* mean their survival. They seemed impossibly small and vulnerable and alone.
On the day that they were born, Ginger and Willow(who were there to see it) were given the task of names..'Henry' and 'Leash-ey' finally started eating from the tiny dropper we offered them.

I slept for a few hours in the early morning before going to the movie set.

After a few days it became obvious that Leash-ey wasn't going to make it, and before long Henry was the only one left.

The whole thing reminded me piercingly of that horrible sinking feeling When Things Fall Apart.

But today, when I was invited back to the same house where we cried and desperately tried to stop the breaking of life not long ago...I saw a healthy, even *fat* Henry.
Alone.
But not really.
And thriving.

Holding him today reminded me of something I really believe, and has been true in my life:

In the middle of the shit, When Things Fall Apart...

when you feel impossibly small, and vulnerable, and alone...

a sliver of hope usually survives

and grows

alone

but not really...

and eventually, you thrive again.

happy days go spinning by

I've waited a long time to feel at home again..these small things help in ways I can't explain. Just wanted to show you..

Those of you who live close should stop by and visit us...and those of you in Nashville, California, Ohio, Ann Arbor, Chicago, Hungary, Peru, Iowa City, and Connecticut should make us a stop on your travel path.. I'll make you tea or pour some red wine, and you can meet Chester the neighborhood cat..

.........................................................................................................................................................................
Favorite moments are never planned. Here are three that I was lucky enough to catch on a recent girls' day:

An Absence......(and finally)Home. :)

After we finished filming two short films last week and the bohemian actors/crew scattered in all directions, I set myself to the task of moving into our new apartment and starting a new job.

The great news is that we are in, overnights and all, and loving our new place.
It has been almost two years since we've had a home that's ours. It hasn't been easy at times to keep a good attitude about that. I still can't believe that we have the place, that it's *our place*..it feels so hopeful. sweet.
The sad news(for me) is that I will not have much internet access for a while until I get a computer. So I won't be in touch as often as I'd like.

So, please forgive me if it takes days to respond to emails and comments. For now, it would seem that we ought to communicate primarily via singing telegram.

Or cell phone.

But I will be back as often as I can, and hopefully soon will have things back to normal.
Thanks to everyone who reads this start-and-stop clumsy blog..I am really grateful for you.

Here's a picture of the girls at our first breakfast at HOME.
:)

Ryan, Ang, & Maya

My new favorite picture of one of my very favorite families.





I feel so lucky to have them as cousins(and 'second-cousin), and more importantly, as dear friends.

A lot has happened this week..

We caught a lion in a mudpit..

I signed the lease for our new apartment..

Ginger did the dishes..

We went for a walk to the park in Grand Haven...

And beat a hasty retreat for home..

A perfect ending for our first walk in our new neighborhood..

Within the past 24 hours I have seen:

..a coyote bound through our new backyard along the traintracks before bounding directly over a sleeping cat, who woke, understandably, with quite a start. There was a millisecond of panic from both characters before the coyote continued it's bizarre zig-zag through yards and gardens. The cat froze for a few moments before slowly lowering itself to its former position, and by all appearances, resumed a cozy nap on the tracks.

..a group of twenty or so ametuer medieval reenactors in full garb having a serious meeting in the park in Grand Haven. I promise it was wierder in person than it sounds here.

..a cheesy radio DJ with temporary blue streaks in his hair(to blend in??) approaching the coolest GH punks hanging out in front of the coffee shop in order to get them to do "improv street theatre" for our local Christian radio station..then handing them scripts(scripts..improv..hm..)and telling them what to do. Kids not buying the cool guy with blue hair christian DJ approach.

Stick in the Mud

I am excited to tell you that over the next week I'll be involved with the making of a short film..weather permitting, since it's set entirely outdoors. The fact that two of the filmmakers are friends of mine whose creative abilities and off-kilter imaginations have long held my respect just adds to the fun. You can learn more about their fledgling production company, One Story Pictures, here..or visit the film's blog here, and add them as your 'friend' here(rumor has it that if you do, health, wealth, and a flock of seagulls will follow you for the duration of the shoot. sorry about the birds, but it may be worth it considering the other two windfalls. with some deft footwork you should be able to avoid the third sort of windfall. just saying.)

Thanks to the Rudd brothers and the rest of the producers for the opportunity to be a part of this project. I can't wait to see what comes of it! :)

Willow's wistful renderings

Waiting for Fireworks

Sleep well, little Pirate

The room is dark.
It is way past their bedtime, but somehow they have managed to stretch the day till the last possible second.
I hug and kiss them goodnight.
No story - it's too late.

I hear a teary voice ask for an extra snuggle, so I lay down on the couch beside her.
Just for a minute, I say.
The side of my face is pressed against the place where her hair meets her forehead.
I smell dirt from the backyard, the cookie after dinner..
I smell my conditioner, which she sprayed LOTs of before brushing her golden tangles..
Far away, the faint yet absolutely distinct smell of Baby. I don't think I'm imagining it, and I wonder how long it will last. How long did it last with her sister?
Tiny hands lay possessively over my wrist to be sure I will stay.
In the dark, her breathing relaxes.
I see her stomach rise and fall, rise and fall. Her pink cotton leotard with the embroidered declaration: DANCER.
Small, strong legs stretched out perfectly straight in the shadows.
"You are loved", I think.
"Everything's ok", I whisper.
I feel her head press a little tighter against my cheek, a quiet sigh as she drifts to sleep.
Rise and fall, rise and fall.
I close my own eyes and concentrate hard on the sound, the smells, her arm on my arm. I try very hard to BE.
To be here, completely, in this moment.

In this moment

everything's

ok