One of the scariest moments of my life so far..................When she was three, Willow started talking about what she wanted to be when she grows up. Like every child, she has a potpourri of ideas, including the standards: ballerina, princess, bus driver, mom, business mogul, etc.. but the thing she has consistently repeated for the past two years is the one that makes me get sweaty palms.
Pilot. She wants to fly..not helicopters; airplanes. I don't remember where she first got the idea..but it has evolved into a plan that, if she puts her mind to it someday, could fill a niche in the airline industry that is completely overlooked presently. Seriously - she could pay for our retirements if she could make it work..yours and mine..the idea is so good that I won't tell it here..
I really *really* would rather she chose a profession that is less terrifying. But the thing is, I believe she can do anything. She can do *anything*. As a mom, I want her to live a long, safe, SAFE life...but more than that, I want her to live in the center of what she was created to do. And since I can't know what that is..I will let her find it, and risk for it, and live it. Actually, if I knew what she is destined to do, I might gladly prefer that she would stick to flying airplanes! The thing that captures her heart might be far more dangerous..... maybe she's headed for life as a police officer, or human's rights worker, or shark dentist.
The point is, I want her to have the chance to explore anything that she's interested in. If she goes through a phase when she wants to be an astronaut, I'll get her a telescope and take her to the planetarium......if she says she wants to be a pilot, I'll take her to the AirZoo.
Or, she'll end up in preschool with a friend named Emily whose mom is a pilot. And Emily's mom will find out that Willow likes planes, and she'll offer to take Willow and Emily for an after-school ride...
And I'll have to decide if I really *believe* all this "let them explore and experience" crap, if I will really let her do something that I would be (shhhhhh) scared to do myself.
And as I smiled at the generous and fascinating Pilot Mom, nodding my head when she asked if three o' clock would be o.k., I actually said out loud in my head:
Oh, shit.
...........................................
I knew I needed to let her go. I knew that Emily's Mom and Grandpa(a family of pilots) were highly skilled and experienced, and they would take care of her. But as I stood with my feet on the ground and watched the plane hop and buck the way small aircraft do...when I saw my daughter and her little friend bundled up snugly in the back seat of the plane, small blonde heads with lopsided earphones and smiles.....I could hardly stop myself from attacking that plane; hurling myself onto the wing and digging my heels into the pavement till they sparked as it pulled away.
I waved instead, and smiled, and once she was too far away to see, cried a little. I watched it lift off the ground gracefully and circle away from me into the hazy sky...and it really felt like some string was pulling from the center of me toward that dot in the sky..and it became very important to see that dot for as long as possible.
I sat there thinking " What kind of parent does this? What kind of crazy person lets their child go for a ride in the SKY inside a piece of metal with a whirlybird on the front! What if they crash - what if this is one of those Moments Before a Tragedy? What if she doesn't like it, what if she wants to come back down?
I sat in the car with Ginger, who peacefully dozed in the backseat, oblivious to my panic. I tried to listen to the radio. I noticed the dust on the dashboard and looked for something to clean it off, finally resorting to a wet wipe(Works, by the way). With the wet wipe I began detailing every part of my car within arm's reach of where I was sitting. I turned the radio off. I got out of the car...got back in. I finally shut my brain off altogether and stared blankly out the window. After an eternity, somewhere around twenty minutes, the plane pulled up and I got my hands on my child. I tried not to squeeze her too hard. She was so happy, and I was so proud of her..
I'll post pictures soon....