Lately I've been wondering how many of you still read this blog. If you don't mind identifying yourselves, could you please leave a comment on this post? Everyone is welcome here, so don't feel funny about announcing yourself - I would love for this blog to be a place that all the people from different areas of my life could meet and intersect with each other, in ways that our daily lives wouldn't normally allow.
This blog started as a way for me to think out loud about my struggles with anxiety disorder and evolved from there into what it is now...whatever it is! I'd like to know if you're a regular or occasional reader, and if you have suggestions for improvement. Thanks!
">Link
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
The other day at work...
...my mom the World's Coolest Librarian had an interesting experience. Here it is:
Colleen arrives at the middle school library as usual, and although the windows don't have screens(thankyou administration for making such great financial choices over the years), she opens them all to let the fresh air in. Later, she hears a horrible squawking outside , drops what she is doing and runs to the open window to see what it is. On the school lawn, a fight has broken out. Three rangy looking crows have cornered a small, young brown bird and are beating it mercilessly. (Note; this is not some new form of slang to describe social position among middle schoolers. They are birds.)
Colleen scares off the crows by yelling at them, then leaves the window quickly. An instant later, she is back with a box in hand, and without hesitation climbs out the window to save the injured fledgling. As she nears the traumatized bird, it eyes her for a moment ..then decides it's been through enough for one day and takes to flight..away from this scary land where crows attack you and featherless giants attempt to put you in boxes..
Realizing that her heroic efforts are no longer needed, Colleen returns to the window. Halfway in, she looks up to see the principal walking into the library. The unstaffed library, save for the librarian climbing through the window. "This is not what it looks like.", she says. "I can explain this."
______________________
Update:
1)The principal has a good sense of humor..
2)It's a good thing, since the reason for his visit was to discuss her employment evaluation..
______________________
">Link
Colleen arrives at the middle school library as usual, and although the windows don't have screens(thankyou administration for making such great financial choices over the years), she opens them all to let the fresh air in. Later, she hears a horrible squawking outside , drops what she is doing and runs to the open window to see what it is. On the school lawn, a fight has broken out. Three rangy looking crows have cornered a small, young brown bird and are beating it mercilessly. (Note; this is not some new form of slang to describe social position among middle schoolers. They are birds.)
Colleen scares off the crows by yelling at them, then leaves the window quickly. An instant later, she is back with a box in hand, and without hesitation climbs out the window to save the injured fledgling. As she nears the traumatized bird, it eyes her for a moment ..then decides it's been through enough for one day and takes to flight..away from this scary land where crows attack you and featherless giants attempt to put you in boxes..
Realizing that her heroic efforts are no longer needed, Colleen returns to the window. Halfway in, she looks up to see the principal walking into the library. The unstaffed library, save for the librarian climbing through the window. "This is not what it looks like.", she says. "I can explain this."
______________________
Update:
1)The principal has a good sense of humor..
2)It's a good thing, since the reason for his visit was to discuss her employment evaluation..
______________________
">Link
Thursday, May 26, 2005
A Free and Vibrant Spirit
My mom is the most interesting, fun, creative, and courageous woman I know. All my life I've watched her with admiration and fascination. She loves books, wildflowers, antiques, road trips, cats, hummus, white shirts, and has a rich appreciation for beauty: beautiful jewelry, fine perfume, great art, ethnic foods, unique small towns, and God's lavish creative work .. she told me once that one of the things she's most grateful for is that God, " ..made the world for us to live in, but He didn't *have* to make it beautiful."
When I was a little girl, she let me play in the dirt. And I grew up to love visual art - the messier, the better. And I make things that are beautiful. When I was a little girl, she read me books. Thousands of them, all the time. Our home was filled with stacks of books, each a whole world to explore. So I grew up loving great books, and learning, and writing, and imagination.
When I was a baby, she would hold me close, and like every mom, she had special things she would do to soothe me. One of them was how she would hold my little foot in her hand. And when I was in labor for the first time, during the most painful part of the struggle to bring my own baby into the world, she lovingly placed her hand on my foot the exact same way, and her cool, familiar hand brought me unspeakable peace.
When I was a teenager, she valued my opinions. She apologized when she was wrong. She forgave me when I was wrong. She still hugged me goodnight, every night. She was fun - we did things like wallpapering our kitchen with soup labels and Modge-Podge...singing in the car together, loud...she came to every concert, every play, most games(the only ones she missed were when she was working two jobs), horse shows, all the times when a young woman asks in her mind, "Do you see me? Am I lovely?", my mom was there with a resounding "Yes!".
When I grew up, she let me. She trusted my choices, supported my direction, didn't smother or grasp(and now that I'm a mother I know what that must have taken from her) to hold onto her one child. And today, hers is my most treasured friendship.
Tomorrow, I'll tell you my favorite recent story - mom in all her glory. :)
">Link
When I was a little girl, she let me play in the dirt. And I grew up to love visual art - the messier, the better. And I make things that are beautiful. When I was a little girl, she read me books. Thousands of them, all the time. Our home was filled with stacks of books, each a whole world to explore. So I grew up loving great books, and learning, and writing, and imagination.
When I was a baby, she would hold me close, and like every mom, she had special things she would do to soothe me. One of them was how she would hold my little foot in her hand. And when I was in labor for the first time, during the most painful part of the struggle to bring my own baby into the world, she lovingly placed her hand on my foot the exact same way, and her cool, familiar hand brought me unspeakable peace.
When I was a teenager, she valued my opinions. She apologized when she was wrong. She forgave me when I was wrong. She still hugged me goodnight, every night. She was fun - we did things like wallpapering our kitchen with soup labels and Modge-Podge...singing in the car together, loud...she came to every concert, every play, most games(the only ones she missed were when she was working two jobs), horse shows, all the times when a young woman asks in her mind, "Do you see me? Am I lovely?", my mom was there with a resounding "Yes!".
When I grew up, she let me. She trusted my choices, supported my direction, didn't smother or grasp(and now that I'm a mother I know what that must have taken from her) to hold onto her one child. And today, hers is my most treasured friendship.
Tomorrow, I'll tell you my favorite recent story - mom in all her glory. :)
">Link
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Remember the movie 'Big'?
With Tom Hanks? I think Danny DeVito, too? Um, they they made it into musical theater. I'm not sure whether it's a scary thing or a stroke of genius. In a perfect world they'd let me play Zoltor, the wish-granting head-in-a-box machine at the carnival. In real life, I'll probably have to play a human if I'm cast. Oh,well.
I finally saw Finding Neverland yesterday, and am still basking in the beautiful imagery and storytelling..
Feeling lately that this blog needs some improvements...any requests?
speaking of which..
I've spent over an hour tonight trying to add a links list in my sidebar unsuccessfully. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I've seen the pretty lists most of my fellow bloggers/friends are sporting at their sites. Fess up: how did you do it?(you know who you are - Ang,Redbeard[if you're still out there],Irish Dave, Morocco)
This week I have had the refreshing priveledge of spending LOTS of time with my sister Mary, who is home for a brief time. She will be home again for a month later this summer, and we'll be producing our first short film together. I can't disclose details yet...but teasers will be forthcoming.
">Link
I finally saw Finding Neverland yesterday, and am still basking in the beautiful imagery and storytelling..
Feeling lately that this blog needs some improvements...any requests?
speaking of which..
I've spent over an hour tonight trying to add a links list in my sidebar unsuccessfully. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I've seen the pretty lists most of my fellow bloggers/friends are sporting at their sites. Fess up: how did you do it?(you know who you are - Ang,Redbeard[if you're still out there],Irish Dave, Morocco)
This week I have had the refreshing priveledge of spending LOTS of time with my sister Mary, who is home for a brief time. She will be home again for a month later this summer, and we'll be producing our first short film together. I can't disclose details yet...but teasers will be forthcoming.
">Link
Thursday, May 19, 2005
As Promised....
....here's the story on what's been going on in our lives recently. The very limited version, as fatigue makes my typing skills clumsy and I find myself staring at the 's' key for long moments before I jolt myself back to the task at hand..
The past few months have held a lot of excitement, joy, and private struggle for us. I have been unable to discuss the source of pain we've been dealing with because it was so far from resolution and I frankly wasn't sure what to say. I have had such fun with acting and family time, and our recent trip to LA was a great adventure. However, during that time, we were also experiencing great difficulty in our church, and I have had a hard time dealing with it all.
We came to this church a little over a year ago, and through the long weeks we spent getting to know the people before Justin accepted the job, we could tell they had some issues and our time here would not be easy, but we knew we were supposed to come anyway.
For a few months after starting here, things went pretty smoothly. We really love these people and this community, so settling in wasn't hard. However, it didn't take long for a small group of people to get ruffled by Justin's presence in leadership. The complaints they made were not founded in spiritual matters, but areas of preference(they attacked everything from his character to his hairstyle). Strangely, what seemed to upset them the most was the kindness Justin showed them, no matter how poorly they treated him.
I learned a lot about Christ by watching Justin's genuine love for people that didn't care for him; he's not perfect, but his love for people is a beautiful reflection of God's heart.
I realize I'm not able to convey the entire situation clearly, but the whole atmosphere of the church became very difficult to exist in. We even began sending our girls down the street to their grandparent's place of worship so that they wouldn't be subjected to the tension we were experiencing on Sundays.
A few weeks before Mother's Day, this group within the body began holding secret meetings and called for his resignation/threatened to fire him. They did not have the numbers necessary for that since they were a small portion of the people, but their hurtful actions caused a lot of division in the body.
I cannot explain to you how much stress this situation has placed on me personally....there is nothing more frustrating to me than 1) having broken relationships that are beyond my control to bring healing to, and 2) the period of waiting for resolution to a stressful situation when there is no clear end in sight...
In Sunday's meeting just before the congregation was to vote on whether to fire him, Justin had some things to share with the people. A short exerpt:
" Here are the things I won't comprimise on. And you can't ask me to, because this is who God made me... Mission is why this church exists(we can't exist for ourselves anymore); Relevence to our culture is not optional; Structure needs to always submit to God's spirit, we will *never* be travelling back to a time in our past - God is always moving, and we will always be moving forward to follow him; Creativity is a natural result of true spirituality - so our gatherings will place high value on creativity... I love you guys, and I love serving with you, but God asks me to be a spiritual leader first and foremost-not a church/organization leader. And I don't have to be pastor of this church to serve God through loving others and telling them about Christ. I can and will do that anywhere. So, if you do not wholeheartedly stand behind the attitude nd changes I've listed here, ( and let me again make it very clear that these things are *not* negotiable if I remain on as your pastor) then you have the responsibility and right to fire me."
I loved him so much in that moment as he laid it on the line. He was basically saying: I don't hold my position here tightly. If you fire me, I'm still going to follow christ with my entire volition. But I hold the things that are important to God's heart very tightly, and I won't lose grasp of them, even if it means I lose this job.
They voted very strongly to keep him, and the few who want him gone have made it clear that they won't remain here while he is. That saddens us, because we've tried to bring healing there for so long, but on the other hand, it will be somewhat of a relief if the divisive behavior stops. After numerous times trying to meet their needs and encourage them to stay, I now feel that if they decide to leave it may be for the best.
What bothers me the most about all of this is that I've had several friends mention wanting to visit our church because they see Christ in our lives and want to know more...and I've felt like in recent months I cannot invite them because I would hate for them to come and see people who call themselves Christians acting so little like Jesus. I have learned all over again that going to church doesn't make you a follower of Christ; that being a part of modern - day American 'Christianity' doesn't make you a follower of Christ. It's a love that comes from your core, that propels you forward, causes you to serve others and live for something greater than yourself. Christ didn't come to start a religion: He came to restore all of humanity to a life connected with God, lived to the full and poured out for others.
">Link
The past few months have held a lot of excitement, joy, and private struggle for us. I have been unable to discuss the source of pain we've been dealing with because it was so far from resolution and I frankly wasn't sure what to say. I have had such fun with acting and family time, and our recent trip to LA was a great adventure. However, during that time, we were also experiencing great difficulty in our church, and I have had a hard time dealing with it all.
We came to this church a little over a year ago, and through the long weeks we spent getting to know the people before Justin accepted the job, we could tell they had some issues and our time here would not be easy, but we knew we were supposed to come anyway.
For a few months after starting here, things went pretty smoothly. We really love these people and this community, so settling in wasn't hard. However, it didn't take long for a small group of people to get ruffled by Justin's presence in leadership. The complaints they made were not founded in spiritual matters, but areas of preference(they attacked everything from his character to his hairstyle). Strangely, what seemed to upset them the most was the kindness Justin showed them, no matter how poorly they treated him.
I learned a lot about Christ by watching Justin's genuine love for people that didn't care for him; he's not perfect, but his love for people is a beautiful reflection of God's heart.
I realize I'm not able to convey the entire situation clearly, but the whole atmosphere of the church became very difficult to exist in. We even began sending our girls down the street to their grandparent's place of worship so that they wouldn't be subjected to the tension we were experiencing on Sundays.
A few weeks before Mother's Day, this group within the body began holding secret meetings and called for his resignation/threatened to fire him. They did not have the numbers necessary for that since they were a small portion of the people, but their hurtful actions caused a lot of division in the body.
I cannot explain to you how much stress this situation has placed on me personally....there is nothing more frustrating to me than 1) having broken relationships that are beyond my control to bring healing to, and 2) the period of waiting for resolution to a stressful situation when there is no clear end in sight...
In Sunday's meeting just before the congregation was to vote on whether to fire him, Justin had some things to share with the people. A short exerpt:
" Here are the things I won't comprimise on. And you can't ask me to, because this is who God made me... Mission is why this church exists(we can't exist for ourselves anymore); Relevence to our culture is not optional; Structure needs to always submit to God's spirit, we will *never* be travelling back to a time in our past - God is always moving, and we will always be moving forward to follow him; Creativity is a natural result of true spirituality - so our gatherings will place high value on creativity... I love you guys, and I love serving with you, but God asks me to be a spiritual leader first and foremost-not a church/organization leader. And I don't have to be pastor of this church to serve God through loving others and telling them about Christ. I can and will do that anywhere. So, if you do not wholeheartedly stand behind the attitude nd changes I've listed here, ( and let me again make it very clear that these things are *not* negotiable if I remain on as your pastor) then you have the responsibility and right to fire me."
I loved him so much in that moment as he laid it on the line. He was basically saying: I don't hold my position here tightly. If you fire me, I'm still going to follow christ with my entire volition. But I hold the things that are important to God's heart very tightly, and I won't lose grasp of them, even if it means I lose this job.
They voted very strongly to keep him, and the few who want him gone have made it clear that they won't remain here while he is. That saddens us, because we've tried to bring healing there for so long, but on the other hand, it will be somewhat of a relief if the divisive behavior stops. After numerous times trying to meet their needs and encourage them to stay, I now feel that if they decide to leave it may be for the best.
What bothers me the most about all of this is that I've had several friends mention wanting to visit our church because they see Christ in our lives and want to know more...and I've felt like in recent months I cannot invite them because I would hate for them to come and see people who call themselves Christians acting so little like Jesus. I have learned all over again that going to church doesn't make you a follower of Christ; that being a part of modern - day American 'Christianity' doesn't make you a follower of Christ. It's a love that comes from your core, that propels you forward, causes you to serve others and live for something greater than yourself. Christ didn't come to start a religion: He came to restore all of humanity to a life connected with God, lived to the full and poured out for others.
">Link
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Most
You need to click the title of this post, read about this short film, and then see it. I was at a screening of it tonight in LA at the Mayan, and it is amazing - it was nominated for an Academy Award and is having transformational impact on people - actually touching people and provoking questions on a deep level. It's beautiful.
I got a chance to meet one of the filmmakers who is also an actor(you know him as the 'bad' kid in the first Karate Kid...the one who Daniel fights in the tournament!), and he had such encouraging words for me. He's a follower of Christ and had a lot of wisdom to offer about how to serve God through acting. The Origins conference is beyond any expectations I had...Mosaic doesn't just *use* the arts as a style tool to enhance their services; they truly speak the language of creatives - and so well that artists are flocking there, dancers are flooding the stage, the creativity converging there is staggering.
I'm so tired -in Michigan it would be 3am right now, so I'm off to bed - more thoughts coming soon!
Love from LA to all of you!
">Link
I got a chance to meet one of the filmmakers who is also an actor(you know him as the 'bad' kid in the first Karate Kid...the one who Daniel fights in the tournament!), and he had such encouraging words for me. He's a follower of Christ and had a lot of wisdom to offer about how to serve God through acting. The Origins conference is beyond any expectations I had...Mosaic doesn't just *use* the arts as a style tool to enhance their services; they truly speak the language of creatives - and so well that artists are flocking there, dancers are flooding the stage, the creativity converging there is staggering.
I'm so tired -in Michigan it would be 3am right now, so I'm off to bed - more thoughts coming soon!
Love from LA to all of you!
">Link
Saturday, May 07, 2005
You are all invited..
On May 28, (Mem. day weekend), I am doing a show with the All Ears Theater called 'The Bickersons'. The show is done in the spirit of the golden age of radio theater during the 30's and 40's. The shows are recorded in front of a studio audience - with the actors, sound effects, and musicians all following the director. This is my first show with All Ears and I'm so excited about it - The Bickerson's was extremely popular back in the day, and many people still remember the original performances. So, playing Blanche, I have big shoes to fill and it should be a fantastic challenge! You are all invited to come be a part of the live audience - it's performed in this old gothic church in downtown Kazoo. Details on ticket prices, show times, etc. will be coming as soon as I have them(probably a week or so). You can also check periodically at www.kazooart.com and do a site search for All Ears Theater. The show info should be posted there soon.
Justin & I will be out of town for the next week. I've been packing today and the house hasn't been cleaned recently, so basically it's chaos here. One girl going to stay with family, the other staying with friends, and noone yet to watch the dog. I, of course, didn't even think about packing until today, so laundry piles are haphazardly stacked everywhere as I try to fill everyone's bags with their necessities.
Meanwhile, I'm supposed to help with the music in church tomorrow(playing piano), and I don't know the songs yet(not a piano player). And directly following the service, we're supposed to spend the afternoon at Justin's Grandmother's in a joint celebration of Mother's Day and Ginger's birthday(turned 2 Friday!). And, since I didn't have enough to do this week, in a rare stroke of genius, I proclaimed: "We will not buy a birthday cake! No, we will not eat cake at all - I will make strawberry shortcake!".....I have 3 lbs of strawberries in my fridge and that's as far as I've gotten. And I don't know how to make edible biscuits.
Don't they sell biscuits at the store? But I tread thin ice there....Justin's Grandma is *famous* for her biscuits. Famous. She'll see 'store-bought' coming from a mile away, and she'll ask me what I did with the recipe she gave me last year. And I'll have to tell her that I lost it, because biscuits are not a high priority for me. And with Grandmas, those are dangerous words. But that's just a risk I'm going to have to take. Something has to give today...and it's the biscuits.
The blog may be silent for a few days unless we have wireless in our hotel room - I'll try to post while we're gone(maybe via audio clips).
After we get back, my next post will be an update of what's happening with our church here.
Love you all....
Have a beautiful day!
">Link
Justin & I will be out of town for the next week. I've been packing today and the house hasn't been cleaned recently, so basically it's chaos here. One girl going to stay with family, the other staying with friends, and noone yet to watch the dog. I, of course, didn't even think about packing until today, so laundry piles are haphazardly stacked everywhere as I try to fill everyone's bags with their necessities.
Meanwhile, I'm supposed to help with the music in church tomorrow(playing piano), and I don't know the songs yet(not a piano player). And directly following the service, we're supposed to spend the afternoon at Justin's Grandmother's in a joint celebration of Mother's Day and Ginger's birthday(turned 2 Friday!). And, since I didn't have enough to do this week, in a rare stroke of genius, I proclaimed: "We will not buy a birthday cake! No, we will not eat cake at all - I will make strawberry shortcake!".....I have 3 lbs of strawberries in my fridge and that's as far as I've gotten. And I don't know how to make edible biscuits.
Don't they sell biscuits at the store? But I tread thin ice there....Justin's Grandma is *famous* for her biscuits. Famous. She'll see 'store-bought' coming from a mile away, and she'll ask me what I did with the recipe she gave me last year. And I'll have to tell her that I lost it, because biscuits are not a high priority for me. And with Grandmas, those are dangerous words. But that's just a risk I'm going to have to take. Something has to give today...and it's the biscuits.
The blog may be silent for a few days unless we have wireless in our hotel room - I'll try to post while we're gone(maybe via audio clips).
After we get back, my next post will be an update of what's happening with our church here.
Love you all....
Have a beautiful day!
">Link
Monday, May 02, 2005
Watch out world..
Ginger is funny.
She has been funny since the day she was born - gifted with a natural sense for comedic timing, something special about her which immediately engages people.
And, after today, I'm convinced she'll one day put Seinfeld to shame.
Ginger will be two years old on Friday, and today she delivered her first joke without any help:
">Link
She has been funny since the day she was born - gifted with a natural sense for comedic timing, something special about her which immediately engages people.
And, after today, I'm convinced she'll one day put Seinfeld to shame.
Ginger will be two years old on Friday, and today she delivered her first joke without any help:
Our drive had been mostly silent until, from the back seat, we distinctly heard...
Ginger: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Ginger: Woddie.
Me: Woddie who?
Pause..
Ginger: WODDIE HELMET!!!
--------
Although the exact meaning of the terms eluded her audience, she got the laugh anyway. Clearly her humor operates at a level higher than ours.
And as if that weren't enough proof of her comedic potential, later on that same day....
--------
Willow: Hey Ginger. What do you want for your birthday?
Ginger(after a short pause, with a wry smile): Chicken.
She got us again! ;)
A few weeks ago, Ginger learned how to say, "Watch out, world - I'm comin'!".
Indeed.
">Link
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
