Please pray for my Aunt Jen's best friend, Tami. In the past week, she lost her Grandma(which the family was trying to prepare for and sort of expected), and then her youngest brother (tragic, unexplained, unexpected). Her family is just reeling..Tami's brother leaves behind a wife and ten year old daughter..Tami's mother, within the space of 24 hours, lost her mom and her baby. There are just no words that will lessen what they're all going through..please join me in talking to God about this.

Do you know what I mean?

I saw End of the Spear the other night. Some things about the film really bothered me - but the flaws and the reasons they were so frustrating lay in the storytellying..not the story. I was still deeply moved, maybe because I knew the story before, and my mind and heart filled in some of what the film seemed to miss. What I was drawn to, though, was hard to articulate - it was like a beckoning finger from beneath a layered shroud, or a swirl of fragrant smoke leading down an alley. Was it there or wasn't it?
The scope of forgiveness and *honest* transformation demonstrated through the real-life people involved strikes a chord in me; the parts of the gospel that I urgently *want* to be true. So much of what I thought I Knew and Believed and Belonged-To has been jostled, tipped, half the damn thing's spilled...I have a squinty-eyed, who-are -you-*really*, bar-the-doors, I'd like to stuff your small-minded bumper sticker up your , kind of thing going on in my head..
So while I was watching this movie, I was conflicted: I don't know exactly how I feel about American Christians strategically targeting 'unreached people groups' with missionary teams..but then again, it was the 50's..
I cried for a long time, during the movie, all the way home, while I prepared for bed..
because it doesn't really matter to me if it's not a great film; I just really need the story to be true. I need to live on this planet for a reason. Forgiveness needs to be possible although rarely deserved. Transformation of individuals and cultures needs to be honest and complete, and hearts full of violence need to spill peace. I just haven't seen this up close lately. I've been so disillusioned by false morality, but I can't let go of hope that the Story can be true.

ahhhh..

I need to go for long walks in order to be happy. If I am really taking care of myself, I find a way to do it every day - a few miles of fresh air, and I get a rush of endorphins..everything looks brighter, smells more pungent, my body feels completely engaged, blood flowing and muscles working..my favorite spots are along the shores of Lake Michigan.
When life gets hectic, I forget how much I need to be near the lake every day..it's been since summer this time. It seems to take so long to remember what those walks mean to me and what they do for my emotions..
Christmas day I went for a walk with my parents, uncle, and sister. Not a long walk, but one that took us down the steep stairs at the state park, to the water's edge..I started to remember then.
New Year's day my sister & I went for a serious walk with my aunt&uncle, cousins, and a friend..one that led us in and out of the forest, up and down dunes, along the water, back through the forest..I felt like I wanted to jump with every step - like there were springs in my boots..I remembered. My sister looked at the sky and said, "I need to do something like this every day.." I know exactly what she means. It was the best kind of exhaustion.
Yesterday, the sky was cloudy and spitting cold rain. I bundled up and set out alone for the highlight of my weekend.. I parked in downtown Grand Haven and cut over along the channel, all the way to the end of the pier. The only walkers I met along the way were the ones who, like me, *need to*, and we traded happy smiles, strolling through the wind and rain with quiet enjoyment. When I got to the pier, I sat for awhile watching a surfer in the icy waters. I wondered if his winter surfing was giving him what my blustery walk was giving me.. I can't do this every day right now, but once a week is a start.
Where do you go when you need to feel most like yourself? What activity feeds every part of you - when you're *really* taking care of yourself, what's your favorite daily thing?
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just because it's cute, here's the directions from the back of the teabag my mom just brewed:
Korea Red Insam Tea ~
Direction:
Dissolve contents in this bag in a cup of cold water. It would be better taste when adding honey or other sweetenings.

January fourth, 2001..
I thought I loved things before she came..I remember the first moment I saw her, as she was being born..she turned her head and looked straight into my eyes, and I was stricken with something that can't ever be reversed or diminished..by nature or struggle or death or time..and for five years I've watched her changing, becoming..
I want her to surpass me in every way..in some ways she already does..
Her eyes have always pulled me in; their strange hue of gray-green is slowly transforming as she grows..they're beautiful and arresting, openly questioning..but I think the reason they're the part of her I see most clearly in my mind is that first moment..in a room full of people, when she looked at me. I've just never been the same.
I let her choose anything in the world that she wanted for her Birthday Breakfast this morning. She thought for a second, before deciding "cereal first, then cake."
Willow, being your mom is one of my favorite things about being alive..