Okay - a starting point: my new pillow(rapturous sleep, sleep like I didn't know was possible after that childhood phase when your body contorts like Gumby and you never wake up sore) is - my new pillow is made of memory foam, this substance that has a distinctly chemical smell and will surely be proven in later decades to have contributed to the poor health of blahblahblah. But the comfort level this pillow provides makes all of that go away - I don't care! Not even about the faintly disturbing,though thankfully receding, odor!(and for those of you who know me, that's a *big* deal) I used be baffled when my mom came to stay with us, and brought her own pillow. "Waht!", I would think, as she pulled her pillow from the white kitchen liner that had kept it clean on the trip, "are my pillows not *good* enough for her? Does she not realize that this pillow packing is socially awkward in the guest/hostess situation?"
Then one day last year I tried it. And since then, I have coveted that pillow and thought often of buying one for myself. I finally did last month, and last week I arrived at my aunt's house for a visit, trash-bag-covered memory foam in tow...Sorry it took me so long to understand, Mom.
During the visit I mentioned above, I went to a film festival and saw I am David...it arrives near the top of my favorites list - I am still thinking about it and the richness of the character at it's center.
I've been asked by a few people who know me best why I'm not painting lately. I have, in the past, been bothered by these stretches of inactivity with visual art(they come periodically)...but recently I've gotten very comfortable with it. I realize now more clearly that although I am an artist on the inside, I don't have a *responsibility* to perform visual art constantly. I have learned through past experience that when I try and force painting during the dry times, it's a chore (and not very good). I've noticed that when I stop creating visual art, I always move to another form of expression. In the past, I have agonized over not being exclusively/consistently committed to art, music, and theater because my focus shifts among them. But now, I'm enjoying that shift...it feels natural to listen to my creative side when it wants to do something new, and I know that eventually, I cycle through all the forms of expression I love so much. When exploring one, I can experience things that, when I circle around, will enrich what I bring to the others.
Right now, I think the artist side of me feels so right and natural because I'm moving from performance to expression; and from desperate pursuit to satisfying exploration.
