Do you know what I mean?

I saw End of the Spear the other night. Some things about the film really bothered me - but the flaws and the reasons they were so frustrating lay in the storytellying..not the story. I was still deeply moved, maybe because I knew the story before, and my mind and heart filled in some of what the film seemed to miss. What I was drawn to, though, was hard to articulate - it was like a beckoning finger from beneath a layered shroud, or a swirl of fragrant smoke leading down an alley. Was it there or wasn't it?
The scope of forgiveness and *honest* transformation demonstrated through the real-life people involved strikes a chord in me; the parts of the gospel that I urgently *want* to be true. So much of what I thought I Knew and Believed and Belonged-To has been jostled, tipped, half the damn thing's spilled...I have a squinty-eyed, who-are -you-*really*, bar-the-doors, I'd like to stuff your small-minded bumper sticker up your , kind of thing going on in my head..
So while I was watching this movie, I was conflicted: I don't know exactly how I feel about American Christians strategically targeting 'unreached people groups' with missionary teams..but then again, it was the 50's..
I cried for a long time, during the movie, all the way home, while I prepared for bed..
because it doesn't really matter to me if it's not a great film; I just really need the story to be true. I need to live on this planet for a reason. Forgiveness needs to be possible although rarely deserved. Transformation of individuals and cultures needs to be honest and complete, and hearts full of violence need to spill peace. I just haven't seen this up close lately. I've been so disillusioned by false morality, but I can't let go of hope that the Story can be true.