that tone in their husbands voice when she gets home.."Willow, tell mommy what happened"..
Even in the dark tent(they're camping out in the backyard), I could see her silhouette didn't look quite right..
"I cut my hair.", she said quietly.
I took her in the house and tried to hide my reaction when I saw how bad it was: her soft blonde hair hung normally on one side down to her shoulders, while the other side stuck out at odd angles and various lengths..or no length in several spots. My stomach felt sick as I realized there was no way to fix it. It would just have to grow out, & it will be months before it looks alright.. I watched her closely for signs that she felt shamed, realized what she had done & how it looked. I was so relieved when she said "I like it this way." Because, to me, it wasn't the cut hair that was so upsetting. It was the chance that this could be the first moment in her little-girl life that she looked in the mirror and felt ashamed of what she saw; that she's not 'good enough'. All of us women have had that wounding moment sometime, and I want my daughters to be the first women in history to go through life with their vision of how beautiful God made them intact!
I got out the scissors and tried to fix willow's hair as best as I could, and we decided it will be nice to accessorise. Bandanas, scarves, hats..
A final thought:
To those of you who will interact with Willow in person, please help us protect her precious heart and don't mention anything about her hair.. this is an age where she will develop a view of herself that she's likely to carry all her life, and we want it to be a positive one!
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5 comments:
Lisa,
Thanks! I like your description of how she cut her hair..'intensely', 'on a mission'.. you're right! There's a song on the radio by an artist I like called Plumb. The lyrics are" I can't do this, can't do this by myself..oh, God, I need your help." That's how I feel as a mom - I need some major help! :)
I have also had huge struggles with self image, and like you, I want my daughters to avoid those wounds. You are a great Mom..even with your hands so full.. I don't know how you do it now that the twins are mobile!
Bravo, mom! No shaming. You were attentive, creative, supportive.
My son turned 18 Wednesday...this is the first year he hasn't done something like that to his hair! We have had many good belly rumbles in our home over "growth spurts" similar to that demonstrated by your Willow.
Awesome story - Willow created her own excellent family memory.
Sally, thanks! I had to laugh when I pictured Willow doing this every year till she turns 18, like your son - let's hope not!
Are you the same Sally from the iMosaic conversation? Regardless, you are welcome here! Thanks for commenting..
Yes, tis I from iMosaic! I followed you to this blog through Steve's blog about the prayer effort. Hope that's okay!
One of the wonders of having achieved motherhood of an 18 and 20 year old is rediscovering events through a different lens. Your story of Willow's attempts at self definition allowed me to do that! I thank you.
I loved when I read that Willow liked her hair that way. Oh, yay, she is becoming her own person. I can also hear her saying, "Be happy for me, mom!" And you are. And I see you being her protector and guiding her, and your ways are very creative.
My real ephiphany in the story is I have realized when my Jeremy was cutting his gorgeous strawberry and white blond hair (and sometimes applying food color, or colored markers), in addition to defining himself (which I tried really hard to honor and celebrate at the time),he was the author - the initiator of the memories we look back on now. So many memories by nature are parent initiated...but he changed our rhythm.
I see Willow's haircutting adventure as a Holy Kiss - and I received one too!
God bless.
Sally
I'm glad you're here - I've enjoyed the converations over at alex's blog and, recently, steve's. Your thoughts and perspective are welcome here, as well.
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