I haven't thought about this blog in months. Since January when I posted last, it simply hasn't entered my mind. I wouldn't be surprised if nobody notices this overdue update, because I suspect most(if not all) of my readers have given up checking here long ago with good reason.
Still, you do mean a great deal to me, so just in case..
Everything in my life has changed since we last talked. Most of it is deeply personal, some things are painful, overall the changes have been joyful and healing.
Back in January Justin and I got back together, and have been in counseling working on rebuilding our family. The past couple of years have been a nightmare as our marriage split and our story became saturated with betrayal, anger, rejection, bitterness, and hopelessness.
Since we have decided to come back together, the level of honesty and healing we're experiencing is something so precious that it can't be adequately explained here.
We have a long road ahead of us. We have been stripped of so much, and are starting to see how much our former life was affected by posturing and selfishness toward each other. We are aware of our potential to hurt each other, and have no glamorized notion of the future. Our history has shown us that a hurting person can destroy their marriage, and a hurting person can abandon it.
I am breathing deeply for the first time in so long - I am profoundly settled and relaxed in my soul. A tangible sense of hope sort of pulses inside me lately. When I think of what God is doing to both Justin and I..and what our story may become in the future, I am thrilled.
A lot of people have expressed loving concern: What if it all happens again?
That is a scary thought..but I have learned that I am stronger for having survived it before..I survived it.
The risk is mine to take, and it is worth it. I'm betting everything I have on Christ's willingness to help us. I think he's the original artist, the original Creative Mind..and that he loves to take broken things; scraps and pieces, and make beautiful art with them. I believe that is what he'll do with this broken family. Seriously - we're a mess. If there is a chance that he really is interested in us, and that no one and nothing is too broken for him to see beauty in...then I want to see it. The more I open my heart and life to the possibility of healing, the less room I have for pride and self-preservation and shame.
If you pray, please pray for us.
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16 comments:
HI Katie! I"m still reading, I get an update on my bloglines anytime you update.
That is big news...I love how you say if it is a mistake it's yours to make. I am praying for you both...that you find success this time, and that your story will help others.
everyday.
Katie,
Of course I still check this.
Praying...and thinking lovingly of you...often.
Katie,
Even though we talk every day, I still check your blog every time I'm online.
And I pray for you, and Justin, and Willow and Ginger always.
Faith, Hope and Love....
Mom
Katie,
My mom sent me this link to your page, and I am so glad.
I know that I haven't had contact with you, or Justin for that matter, in quite some time, but I just wanted to let you know that both of you were and are still a big part of my upbringing and life in christ, and it's a huge encouragement to see what God is doing with you two. It is probably a good thing that you are a mess and feeling low, because the only thing we can do in those times is look up and reach for our daddy in heaven and say "I am yours, do with me what you will." That trust in God and that reliance in him can only lead to miracles and blessings that will give your life so much more meaning and excitement. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and let God show you his best. Love you guys!
Good to hear from you. I check your blog often in hopes you've written. So good to hear about the new hope for your marriage! I'm praying for you guys. Sounds like God is doing mighty things.
Jenna
I am happy and surprised to see these comments! Thanks for reading, and for your support..
Deana, I think of you and your family often..how are things going for you as you try to sell your home?
Jerry, thank you. I have enjoyed your blog often this past year. I appreciate your comments here. :)
Ang, will we ever actually speak face to face again? This is maybe the longest running gfame of phone-tag I've ever played..and you're it..I sent someone to your blog to look at your house.
Mom, I told the girls to be good for you tonight..thanks so much for your endless patience and kindness toward us. Best Mom ever.
Ryan, I am *so happy* to hear from you!!! Thanks for your grace-ful words. I'd love to catch up on your life since I haven't seen you in years..and I just did the math..you are definitely a grown-up now. I feel so old. :)
Jenna, I read your blog every so often, and I love hearing about the miracle you're experiencing!! You are going to be such an amazing mother..thanks for your supportive comment. It means a lot. :)
i'm free that saturday...as of right now...so-hmmm...lets do it.
can we please get coffee next week-end...because
a. that's just what we do
b. i need to tell you all about japan
c. i am a verbal processor (SP?)
d. i just miss you and want to hear your stories in full (gingers red tights, the cell phone, etc.)
e. i made this point because i couldn't think of anything else and it looks better to have five points than four.
love you
(i've been listening to over the rhine all day...)
It's tiring trying to sell the house! Lots of no shows lately...which just gets on my very last nerve!
It will sell...Steve got a very important piece of paper this week that puts us one step closer to getting to our goal of moving to England. So there was a glimmer of hope this week!
Is this where you will be posting?
I am so excited you are blogging again! I just love your words, your thoughts and of course who you are.
I am so, SO very excited for the hope that you are experiencing.
I will most definitely be praying for you guys!!!
Katie,
As the Spirit prompts me, I check on by weaving through old blog links!
Recently I trapsed through Ang's flicker account - thinking and praying for you and your girls (oh, and Ang too, ;) ).
Good to see you're owning your stuff and working it out with Justin - together. I truly believe God wants it that way.
YES, and of course, I shall pray for protection over the four of you as you move into your Christ transformed future.
Keep your eyes on Jesus!
Lots of warmth and support sent your way. Thanks for touching base!
Sally
We love you both and are praying for all of you!! You are correct--the Lord is your hope and your strength!!
i finally updated...you should read it-because then you will be in even more suspense for our coffee date
wow, this is incredible news.
completely unexpected.
i really thought it was over.
completely over.
i had given up all hope whatsoever...
BUT YOUR ACTUALLY BLOGGING AGAIN!!!
:)
ok seriously,
your news was a really great surprise, I am really happy for the both of you. I have great confidence and respect in your both.
much love, daniel
you have lots of comments on your blog...so why not a few more...this could be a record
i loved our coffee/hot chocolate date...and i loved playing hide and seek
Katie,
Justin's old friend, Mike Clawson, here. I just wanted you to know that I've been checking your blog here regularly ever since you broke up so that I would know how to pray for you guys. I've been praying for all of you - you and the girls and Justin - since this whole thing began.
I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you're giving it another try! I'll keep praying, as I know you still have a hard road ahead of you.
Tell Justin I said hi.
-Mike
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