A while back I visited a church that closely resembled one I attended as a kid. It brought back alot of memories.
While one of the leaders was giving announcements, a man on the stage began to scream in tongues at the top of his lungs. I had forgotten how.. startling.. that can be.
After the last scream echoed through the room, the man giving the announcement calmly finished.
I don't remember what he said, though. The Screaming-In-Tongues guy was chuckling sheepishly to the person next to him on the stage.
It struck me that his expression looked just like a kid who had passed gas loudly in public: slightly embarrassed by the noise but pleased with the attention.

I felt completely out of place there. Actually, that's how I've felt in every church I've been a part of.

As a follower of Christ, I am devoted to him. But over the years, I have grown increasingly afraid of the organized church.
One part of me says, " Jump back in. You can't learn to swim by staying out of the water."
The other part answers, "Are you crazy? That's where I almost drowned. I can still feel the water in my lungs. "


I'm not looking for a perfect community, and I recognize my own shortcomings. I want to be part of the solution to the problems in the body of Christ..I'm just being honest.

I don't miss much of what I experienced within the walls of churches. The posturing, power-struggles, gossip, abandonment, hypocrisy, hardness, expectations, manipulation.
There are things I do miss. And I look forward to a time when the memories of those good things and kind people will loom larger than the hurtful ones. I thought it felt wierd to be a pastor's wife; it was hard to find others who related to that experience. The end of my marriage seems to have now put me in an even smaller(and wierder feeling) category: women who used to be married to pastors who are now afraid to attend church but are trying to work through that fear. Life is crazy.