This week, I've been given two great opportunities: auditioning for a film in Detroit this weekend, and a chance to audition for an agency in Chicago. Yesterday I was bouncing off the walls with excitement after checking my voicemail. Today, as I prepared to return those phone calls and line up appointments, my anxiety level kicked into high gear, clogging my mind with a hundred questions and worries.. am I really ready to audition for film?Will I remember to ask the right questions, stay within the frame, maintain poise, be myself, take correction, bring my resume and headshots? Headshots! My amatuer photos that will surely be recognizable as such since I haven't had the money to hire a proffessional photographer...my thin resume with so little to my credit..and what will I need to prepare? Monologues? I haven't looked at that folder all summer; I'll have to memorize them all over again! One audition in Detroit, one in Chicago, gas money, getting lost, lodging, childcare, the awkward backstage guy who told me I had tired looking eyes last night (when I thought I looked fine..thanks,buddy), who am I kidding?etc,etc
You get the picture, right? It's not unique to this situation; my anxiety disorder is a part of my life, and it is still a daily struggle to replace those racing worries with calming truths. The thing that helps me get grounded again the most quickly is to remind myself that I am grateful. My life is blessed, and even though this dream of acting is scary, I've been given the chance to explore it. To do what I love and spend my life learning how to move in that space..the practical things that make it hard or a long shot are obstacles, but my most formidable obstacle is my own anxiety, because when it gets out of control it causes me to doubt my own dreams.
From sacred space yesterday, these words comfort me now:
I ask for the grace to let go of my own concerns
You get the picture, right? It's not unique to this situation; my anxiety disorder is a part of my life, and it is still a daily struggle to replace those racing worries with calming truths. The thing that helps me get grounded again the most quickly is to remind myself that I am grateful. My life is blessed, and even though this dream of acting is scary, I've been given the chance to explore it. To do what I love and spend my life learning how to move in that space..the practical things that make it hard or a long shot are obstacles, but my most formidable obstacle is my own anxiety, because when it gets out of control it causes me to doubt my own dreams.
From sacred space yesterday, these words comfort me now:
I ask for the grace to let go of my own concerns
and be open to what God is asking of me,
to let myself be guided and formed by my loving Creator.
3 comments:
sounds exciting. let us know how things go.
love you...very much.
and i am praying for you and thinking of you often...praying with you...
"for the grace to let go of (your) own concerns
and be open to what God is asking of (you)",
...especially in the areas we talked about on the phone.
i miss you and wish that i could encourage you better.
ang,
you're up late! but maybe it's early in colorado, i'm not sure of the time zone..
thanks for your prayers and for being a great listener.
let's get together when you're back, drink tea, and go for a run.
Katie,
I just happened to look through old comments and saw one from you that i never caught. Blessings.
(laughing hard myself, now.)
I'll look for it.
-ang
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