Sometimes I'm a Parasite. Maybe you are, too.

If you click on the titles in my blog, often you'll see another site that gave me pause. This is one of those titles, if you chose to investigate...

I'm sick of church. I just do not want to go through it anymore. Don't misundersand me - I am not sick of *the* church( i.e. the living organism), but I am dreadfully fed up with the 'church'(i.e. the organization/system/image/clean on the outside-filthy on the inside/charade).
I have been involved with groups from many denominations(pockets of "I'm right/they're wrong","love ya, bless ya, wouldn't want to be ya"), and in each have seen something very much the same: somehow an honest existence centered around Christ has been squished out by a bunch of organizations bearing His name. Of course, in each of these places, there were wonderful people who were trying their best to live good lives, to obey His commands.....so it's not one group of people that has irked me, or even one organization's style...it's the massive clot of INFORMATION being passed around, debated, rejected, dissected, made- over, embraced, packaged, torn to pieces..
Trends. Personalities. New Stuff! Cool Music. High Tech everything. Spotlight 'servanthood'. Grandiose giving.
TBN.
And we spend so much time playing these word games: Cell Group/Small group/ Home group/ Life group....
Catchy phrases are valuable currency in this system, and often I feel like I'm hearing the same sentence spoken five different ways, with five different people debating which is best!
Catchy doctrines are even more lucrative: plant a 'seed', reap a desired result...use enough *faith*, get desired result...if you're living right, God will talk to you *alot*, audibly, or through signs that will give you, ultimately, the Desired Result!
I have felt, little by little, the sickening realization that the 'system' of beliefs I had always participated in....doen't work.
On the other hand, as I have become more & more repelled by this lifeless "Christianity", I have become increasingly more attracted to Jesus. I know that I was created with precision & purpose, woven from conception with a need for relationship with the one who made me. I only find completeness when I invest in this purpose. I love Him. I am so grateful that He lets me be flawed. He knows my ugly parts, and how to make them beautiful.
When I peel away all the bells & whistles we've attached to Christ's story, the basic truths plainly written there become pure and profound to me again. And with that, I gain a deeper appreciation for the Church(living organism that makes up the body of Christ), and the individuals who are a part of it.
Please know that I am not attacking/rejecting *people* ( I realize that the things I've ranted against here are a culmination of the choices made by many people over the span of centuries, and that people have made these errors because, like me, they are imperfect & need grace).
I love the people who populate the groups I've been a part of passionately, and I strive to build others up through this love; but the current *mindset* must be torn down, because it's not working. And I know there are traditionally things we Christians don't talk about(especially where the 'lost' might hear them!), but I'm not willing to go along with that. Let's talk in the open, where people can see our transformation into a people who more closely resemble the One we claim to represent.

I'm learning to be less concerned with going to Him campaigning for the Desired Result, and more content just to be near Him. No matter what He does, to stay close and accept His route for my life.
I want desparately to get two things right in this lifetime: to separate truth from the lies, and to learn to trust the one who is Truth completely.
I need alot of work, so I'm glad for grace....

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