I came home tonight, and got to spend valuable time with the people I love... My not-so-little sister came to get me. She's leaving for college next week, and I'll be at the clinic, so we have to say our goodbyes this weekend. I'm elated for her - her dreams are beautiful & they are being realized; but I'm also a selfish sister/friend & I want her to staywithin two miles of my house forever....
It was wonderful to dance with my sunshine girls & snuggle them into bed, but all the while there was also this awkwardness; a definite feeling deep in my gut that I've been gone too long. Willow finally asked today, after I opened a conversation about how she was feeling , "Mommy, why do you keep going to the hotel?"
Thud.
There was no easy answer for that, so I treaded carefully, honestly; I told her mommy hadn't been feeling well & had to take special classes at a school with doctors, and that Mommy would be done very soon & I'm feeling much better now & everyone there is nice but Mommy is having a hard time being there so much because she misses her sweet girls....And Mommy is going to be fine, & Willow is, too. I kissed her, prayed with her, and asked her what I could do while I am gone - she said , " Pray for me."
I do , baby. All the time every day.
I could have walked out of there thinking I was a lousy mother for being away all this time...That I didn't say the right thing to ease her concerns....that I am fooling myself about being able to finish this treatment....
Instead, I concentrated on the truth:
This is hard - being away from my children & Justin is crappy
This is worth it - I'm going to be a healthier person with the tools I've learned
I am a great mom - I might not say the perfect words, but my children are bathed in my love and they know their value...I have plenty of years ahead to love them & spend time with them;I will be a better mom after this
I am stronger now in this vulnerability than I have ever been in my acheivements.
As a family, we've got good things ahead!
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