For those of you who have heard part of the story and are worried, and for the rest of you who havent heard at all, I'm posting a short explanation of recent events in my life..
Last night I had a brief episode of symptoms that looked like stroke; I couldn't speak correctly and was very weak. Justin took me to the hospital to get checked out while Mary stayed ith the kids..
They did several tests at the hospital and ruled out a major stroke but said it could be one of two things:
1 ) A mini stroke, where the symptoms last unde 24 hrs and leave no trace for tests, or
2)A physical reaction to stress or anxiety.
They are doing bloodwork and an echo to rule out some other stuff, but the most likely culprits are above.
When I hit my twenties, I began a struggle which I now believe is with anxiety. I didn't talk about it at first, because i had no idea what was wrong with me and felt like I could fix it on my own if I tried hard enough..
In the past year, i have learned more about this and now am feeling pretty comfortable talking about it. Yeah, I feel vulnerable sharing this publicly, but I think for those of you who love me, it's important that you know...and it's easier to explan this once rather than over & over.
This is basically how it works as far as I can see:
I am happy with my life & grateful for what I have
I love my husband and girls tremendously
I am following Christ and loving Him more than maybe ever
I feel tremendous pressure that I can't explain - I'm increasingly forgetful and anxious, especially at night...I can't seem to manage life's requirements - even the good things, in a balanced way.
So..I don't know if last night's problem was a ministroke or stress-related, but I am seeing doctors this week to address both possibilities. I don't want you guys to worry, and I don't want anyone to try and fix it for me. God's taking me through this, and I trust that I'll come out on the other side with something of value that I coudn't have learned any other way.
I also want to say this: If it disapoints you to see this weakness in my life, that may possibly mean that you have elevated me to a place I never belonged in the first place. It's easy to put people in boxes or on pedastals, and I don't ever want to reside there! Everyone has struggles, and this is mine. It may be unsettling, but I refuse to gloss myself over with the appearance of having it all together. Integrity means alot to me, and I lose that quality if I act fake just to save face. My relationship with God means everything to me, and I love it that He takes me as I am, struggles and all.
Hope this has answered some questions...I love you and will keep updates on this blog when warranted.
God is the ONLY one who will never let you down,
Kate
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